News, Notes, and Comments

Christmas News Alert from the President of the MTA

Santa’s Team Sidelined by Regulations  

Truckers Step in to Pick Up the Load

Speaking on the steps of the Minnesota State Capitol, spokesmen for the Minnesota Trucking Association and Santa Claus announced today that Santa’s entire sleigh and reindeer team had been temporarily put out of service by “an overabundance of government regulations that defy common sense.”  The mandatory 10 hours off has put a major kink in Santa’s tight world-wide logistics timeline.

The spokesmen reported that an agreement had been reached with the nation’s 3 million truck drivers to assist Santa in making sure that Christmas is delivered safely and on-time.  Negotiations continue regarding future labor representation for the reindeer.

According to data obtained by the MTA,  truckers will help Santa deliver over $729 billion in gifts and goods during the 2019 Christmas season, including 30 million Christmas trees, 22 million turkeys, and yet-to-be-tallied cell phones, Instant Pots, Frozen 2 toys, Madden 20 games and “everything else that makes Christmas possible from tinsel to twinkle lights to Nativity sets.”

In a review of the out-of-service order jointly issued by several governmental agencies, the following violations were noted:

  • Rudolph – Warning light fails to meet NHTSA reflective-materials standard
  • Dasher – Excessive noxious emissions generated by too much egg-nog
  • Elves – Inadequate program to address repetitive motion disorders caused by wrapping and stacking boxes
  • Sleigh – Lack of handrails, skid-resistant steps, seat belts and electronic logging device
  • Mr. S. Claus – Driving more than 11 hours in one day

Santa Claus vowed to fight these intrusions on holiday joy.  “I am confident that common sense will prevail for future years, but for this season I just have to say ‘Thank You’ to the truckers for helping deliver Christmas.”